Challenge Them

Who's opinion is right?

Just because I have an opinion doesn’t mean I’m right and just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean I have to agree with it. Isn’t it healthy to have different opinions? Surely if we all shared the same view life would be pretty boring.

Having an opinion and sharing it with others doesn’t mean you are pig-headed, it means (in my head anyway) that you believe in something strongly and can explain why you believe in it if challenged, and I'm happy for others to have a different opinion to me as long as they can put some context to it. What gets right under my skin is when people have their opinion but they won’t accept that others have a different opinion, they believe they are right and you are wrong, full stop, not up for discussion. Well - Piss off!

We also have the people that have these different opinions that won’t challenge why the other person thinks as they do, that’s me.... I listen, lol, always listening, I take it in and sometimes my silent voice says “nah I think you’re wrong”, but the voice remains silent, I’m aware that my body language changes, an eyebrow may be raised involuntarily or I start to get fidgety but as predicted the voice stays silent... Until I get away from the conversation then I vent, in my head, to myself, not useful eh!

How do you challenge someone when this happens? I don’t argue for the sake of it and if anything I go out of my way to avoid confrontation, but keeping schtum isn’t going to do my head or confidence any good and it’s not going to give the person I disagree with anything to think about, they remain none the wiser that there may be an alternative perspective and will forever be of the opinion that they are right. If you don’t agree, speak out, challenge it!

As a compulsive avoider (if that is a thing), I now that I need to face my fears and grit my teeth and just f'ing do it. After all, if I believe in what I think why not put it out there? Well, what’s the worst that can happen?

Others may share my opinion and find their voice, give their own spin on my opinions, or they may disagree and give me some further things to consider, after all I’m not always right and I know that listening to others will either justify my reasons or change my views, and that is all ok. We need different opinions and to be able to consider other angles. Don't be afraid to challenge or be challenged!

That’s the easy bit, now I need to figure out what has kept me silent all these years. Lack of confidence and self belief I expect but on this journey of discovery who knows what I’ll find out. Who knows if I can do it, how it will feel and whether this will be the beginnings of a different me.

Sink or....sink

Don't pour it down your sink

This is a bit of a weird rant, on the lead up to Christmas I received a notification on my phone which was like a news report warning people not to pour their unwanted alcohol down their sinks, this was specifically relating to Baileys and other creamy type spirits. The reason given wasn’t because the alcohol is bad for you or that we should reduce our alcohol consumption, nor was it trying to discourage increased alcohol consumption over the festive period, no, the reason was because this type of drink could block your kitchen pipes and potentially incur extortionate costs from a plumber. 

Hmmm, Ok so that’s a fair comment to make but the ad offers no other way of advising how to dispose of unwanted drink so no other choice than to drink it. I am obviously being flippant here but I am through the other side, some people early on their journey could use this as an excuse right? 

As trivial as this news story sounds and could be considered as sound advice, (after all who needs extra repair costs and unnecessary inconvenience at any time of the year especially at Christmas), to someone that is in the midst of alcohol issues and may be trying to cut back or give up completely, surely this will only give them a welcome excuse to knock back that extra few glasses rather than risk the blocked pipe disaster? 

Admittedly I am in the stage of my journey on an alcohol free life where I am now angry at everything alcohol related and whilst the temptation of alcohol is no longer a problem for me I can fully understand why this my be a concern for others. Offer a solution, give some other methods, don’t just leave people with the reason they are searching for, “sorry doctor I had to finish the bottle or my pipes would have blocked up!”. 

Now I know there are other solutions, the drink will not go oof over night so just pop the top on and get it back in the cupboard and we know full well that when you are in the throes of alcohol dependency there is no such thing as a time where there’s any left to throw away right? But come on, let’s at least try and give people some help eh?

Shit Still Happens!

So what do you do now that you have stopped drinking and shit happens?  Now there’s a question!  

Now that you don’t have the option for blocking it all out or dampening the feelings of anxiety that comes with the crap that you have to deal with, that easy win of a drink from previous days is gone, what are you going to do?   Now you have to actually deal with your thoughts and emotions in real time, face the problem head on and that can be scary right?  Now you are outside of your comfort zone in a foreign land.  Fuck!

It doesn't matter what the situation is that is “shit”, if it is shit for you then it is shit and only you know how you feel.  Don’t play down the severity of the situation if you feel that it wouldn’t be seen as a big deal to others, this is your shit and it deserves to be treated however you need it to be treated.  I have  felt guilty in the past for feeling emotional about something that is nowhere near as bad as what other people go through but I am learning that this is harmful, we are all unique and all view things differently and react in our own ways.  No one else's shit is worse than yours. 

You may feel lost, overwhelmed and uncertain of how to deal with this new way of dealing with unpleasant experiences, but if you are able to recognise that you are feeling like this you are already onto a great start, you should reach out to a trusted person and let them know that you are not ok.  Trust me when I say that having that communication is such a relief, it is literally like sharing the burden even though this is still your problem.  As you are speaking you are processing the information differently than when it is just chaos in your head.  Speak, and listen, let others know how you are feeling and they will help you, just by saying what may appear to be a trivial comment on a “normal” day could play such a significant part of the rest of your day – ask for help, don’t be ashamed or embarrassed, you may surprise yourself and one day you may be able to return the favour because we all need to be supported at some point and now you have experience of this on your side.

Let's face it – this is just life right?  And it can be shit, but you just have to roll with it –  as I am frequently told when I am going through bad days - “this time will pass” and do you know what?  it does pass and this shit time will be remembered and learned from, and the processes that you went through to get through each hour, each day, in one piece will be embedded in your head and you will already be better prepared for the next shit time – and there will be more shit times, that’s one thing in life that is guaranteed.