Challenge Them

Who's opinion is right?

Just because I have an opinion doesn’t mean I’m right and just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean I have to agree with it. Isn’t it healthy to have different opinions? Surely if we all shared the same view life would be pretty boring.

Having an opinion and sharing it with others doesn’t mean you are pig-headed, it means (in my head anyway) that you believe in something strongly and can explain why you believe in it if challenged, and I'm happy for others to have a different opinion to me as long as they can put some context to it. What gets right under my skin is when people have their opinion but they won’t accept that others have a different opinion, they believe they are right and you are wrong, full stop, not up for discussion. Well - Piss off!

We also have the people that have these different opinions that won’t challenge why the other person thinks as they do, that’s me.... I listen, lol, always listening, I take it in and sometimes my silent voice says “nah I think you’re wrong”, but the voice remains silent, I’m aware that my body language changes, an eyebrow may be raised involuntarily or I start to get fidgety but as predicted the voice stays silent... Until I get away from the conversation then I vent, in my head, to myself, not useful eh!

How do you challenge someone when this happens? I don’t argue for the sake of it and if anything I go out of my way to avoid confrontation, but keeping schtum isn’t going to do my head or confidence any good and it’s not going to give the person I disagree with anything to think about, they remain none the wiser that there may be an alternative perspective and will forever be of the opinion that they are right. If you don’t agree, speak out, challenge it!

As a compulsive avoider (if that is a thing), I now that I need to face my fears and grit my teeth and just f'ing do it. After all, if I believe in what I think why not put it out there? Well, what’s the worst that can happen?

Others may share my opinion and find their voice, give their own spin on my opinions, or they may disagree and give me some further things to consider, after all I’m not always right and I know that listening to others will either justify my reasons or change my views, and that is all ok. We need different opinions and to be able to consider other angles. Don't be afraid to challenge or be challenged!

That’s the easy bit, now I need to figure out what has kept me silent all these years. Lack of confidence and self belief I expect but on this journey of discovery who knows what I’ll find out. Who knows if I can do it, how it will feel and whether this will be the beginnings of a different me.

Sink or....sink

Don't pour it down your sink

This is a bit of a weird rant, on the lead up to Christmas I received a notification on my phone which was like a news report warning people not to pour their unwanted alcohol down their sinks, this was specifically relating to Baileys and other creamy type spirits. The reason given wasn’t because the alcohol is bad for you or that we should reduce our alcohol consumption, nor was it trying to discourage increased alcohol consumption over the festive period, no, the reason was because this type of drink could block your kitchen pipes and potentially incur extortionate costs from a plumber. 

Hmmm, Ok so that’s a fair comment to make but the ad offers no other way of advising how to dispose of unwanted drink so no other choice than to drink it. I am obviously being flippant here but I am through the other side, some people early on their journey could use this as an excuse right? 

As trivial as this news story sounds and could be considered as sound advice, (after all who needs extra repair costs and unnecessary inconvenience at any time of the year especially at Christmas), to someone that is in the midst of alcohol issues and may be trying to cut back or give up completely, surely this will only give them a welcome excuse to knock back that extra few glasses rather than risk the blocked pipe disaster? 

Admittedly I am in the stage of my journey on an alcohol free life where I am now angry at everything alcohol related and whilst the temptation of alcohol is no longer a problem for me I can fully understand why this my be a concern for others. Offer a solution, give some other methods, don’t just leave people with the reason they are searching for, “sorry doctor I had to finish the bottle or my pipes would have blocked up!”. 

Now I know there are other solutions, the drink will not go oof over night so just pop the top on and get it back in the cupboard and we know full well that when you are in the throes of alcohol dependency there is no such thing as a time where there’s any left to throw away right? But come on, let’s at least try and give people some help eh?

Shit Still Happens!

So what do you do now that you have stopped drinking and shit happens?  Now there’s a question!  

Now that you don’t have the option for blocking it all out or dampening the feelings of anxiety that comes with the crap that you have to deal with, that easy win of a drink from previous days is gone, what are you going to do?   Now you have to actually deal with your thoughts and emotions in real time, face the problem head on and that can be scary right?  Now you are outside of your comfort zone in a foreign land.  Fuck!

It doesn't matter what the situation is that is “shit”, if it is shit for you then it is shit and only you know how you feel.  Don’t play down the severity of the situation if you feel that it wouldn’t be seen as a big deal to others, this is your shit and it deserves to be treated however you need it to be treated.  I have  felt guilty in the past for feeling emotional about something that is nowhere near as bad as what other people go through but I am learning that this is harmful, we are all unique and all view things differently and react in our own ways.  No one else's shit is worse than yours. 

You may feel lost, overwhelmed and uncertain of how to deal with this new way of dealing with unpleasant experiences, but if you are able to recognise that you are feeling like this you are already onto a great start, you should reach out to a trusted person and let them know that you are not ok.  Trust me when I say that having that communication is such a relief, it is literally like sharing the burden even though this is still your problem.  As you are speaking you are processing the information differently than when it is just chaos in your head.  Speak, and listen, let others know how you are feeling and they will help you, just by saying what may appear to be a trivial comment on a “normal” day could play such a significant part of the rest of your day – ask for help, don’t be ashamed or embarrassed, you may surprise yourself and one day you may be able to return the favour because we all need to be supported at some point and now you have experience of this on your side.

Let's face it – this is just life right?  And it can be shit, but you just have to roll with it –  as I am frequently told when I am going through bad days - “this time will pass” and do you know what?  it does pass and this shit time will be remembered and learned from, and the processes that you went through to get through each hour, each day, in one piece will be embedded in your head and you will already be better prepared for the next shit time – and there will be more shit times, that’s one thing in life that is guaranteed.

Weird!

I’m the weird one, really?

Why is it that when I am sat in a restaurant and you order a coke zero when asked by the waiter/waitress if I am ready to order a drink do I get people looking at me?  I recently had this experience whilst on a works dinner with colleagues in France.  The fact that I ordered a soft drink seemed to give my French female colleague reason to question my choice.  When asked why I wasn’t drinking the wine on the table I simply responded to her saying “I don’t drink alcohol” and watched as her face changed from questioning to utter amazement, “you never drink?”, “no not at all, I used to but I don't now” was my response, she looked across the table to the others within earshot and said “that’s weird”.  

OMG now I am weird?  She questioned my other colleagues on how much they drank in the evening and although they admitted to drinking about a bottle of wine a week I could tell that this was  short of the truth but enough that she was satisfied that not all brits are like me!  She went on to say that in France children from the age of  13 years are encouraged to take a glass of wine with their dinner.  WHY? What is wrong with people?  Kids will go looking for it when they are intrigued anyway, so why, as adults would we be pushing it on our children?  Knowing what I know now and with a 15 year old daughter I would not ever consider giving her alcohol to drink even now never mind at aged 13.  What purpose would it serve?  I'm not naive enough to think she will never drink but she has witnessed and been part of my journey and I hope that she will learn from my experiences and only see the positives from staying sober, time will tell of course.

I don’t feel like I need to explain myself or my personal situation with my French colleague, or anyone else for that matter but it does piss me off when I’m questioned and made to feel like I am hiding something or as she said “just weird”.

I make a choice not to drink, and no matter what the reason, it is no ones business.  Maybe I should turn it around and say “oh you're drinking again tonight are you?  that’s weird, what are you tying to avoid or forget?” imagine!

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Flag Alert

As a non-drinker attending a close family member’s hen party a few months ago in a busy city centre I was already feeling anxious at the reality of having to spend the next few hours cradling a mocktail or other soft drink whilst surrounded by alcohol drinkers necking as much booze as possible as if it was going off the market tomorrow, (what a thought eh)...  I was going into an environment where there would undoubtedly be lots of drinks, music, noise, games etc. – that is daunting on its own but that’s not my issue here. 

 

We were a group of about 12 or so girls out in town ready for some fun and giggles.  The venue was one that offered bottomless brunch where drinks are brought to your table as quickly as you can drink them for the period of time allocated.  Quickly we placed our food and drinks order and carried on the banter.  Well can you imagine my face when 12 drinks arrive at our table and one drink is sporting a bright yellow, triangular flag with the words “Non Alc” written on it?  In an already heightened state, this just exacerbated my anxious feelings and has ultimately led to this ramble.  I mean, why not add some flashing lights to the glass just for good measure!

 

This has made me question the whole idea of putting flags in non-alcoholic drinks.  Obviously I know why it is done, it is so everyone is shown that you are the odd one out because you aren’t taking part in the fun and laughter and you are more than likely going to be the first one to make an excuse and leave the party so that everyone else can start to enjoy themselves without the fun police staring on disapprovingly.  It’s also a warning to those who walk the room looking to pilfer the odd free drink from a table whilst no one’s looking – well you can’t blame them with today’s prices can you?  The good old “Non Alc” flag screams, “Whoa mate don’t touch this drink, its pure party pooper juice in a glass right there, you don’t wanna be one of them”. 

 

No, the flag is to show that there’s a difference between my drink and yours, we are stereotyped into a certain category but instead of ousting the non-drinkers shouldn’t it be suggested that those who are consuming alcohol should get their drinks branded with a flag or a different coloured straw as they are the ones that we need to watch out for 3 or 4 gins later, they are the ones that will get lairy and start telling the same story over and over and…. They are the ones that lose all sense of meaning from their mouths and all control of their legs, not those of us who may be on call, or preggers or, god forbid, simply just do not want to pickle our livers.  For every drink "they" consume they should get the branded flag surely? For the first alcoholic drink they get a green flag, the second drink gets a blue flag etc. – then "we" will definitely know who to avoid when Mr or Mrs wobbly legs approaches us sideways with their trophy red flag, they are the ones that need to be singled out. Here the ramblings of a pop drinker says the whole “flag the odd one out” should be redefined to put the spotlight on the drinkers for a change, that would be way more fun for us boring fun suckers.  I am joking of course but something to think  about?

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Alcohol too tempting at home? Bin it!

Bin It

What is the best way to avoid the effects of alcohol? – obviously don't drink it, but what about don't buy it, don't keep it where it is easily accessible, don’t walk down the aisle in the shop where it is displayed, get rid of all traces from your house, avoid places where it is available – so many ways but all equally as difficult and needs complete commitment to be able to do it.  You need to be ready to make the move to get rid of any left over alcohol and this may be one of the hardest things you do, but take it from me you will get a buzz from it and be proud of the huge step you have just made.

It was nearly a year into my alcohol free journey when I made the decision to throw away all alcohol that was in the house.  Admittedly my husband had assured me that it was all gone before I left hospital but in fact he had just hidden it away.  Luckily for me I was so determined with my goal that when I found the hidden stash (in upturned plant pots, inside a bbq cupboard etc...I know wtf!) and after a group session where one lady was struggling with zero alcohol cans in her house, I said to my husband come on let’s throw it away.  We got a bucket and recycling bin and between us we emptied 46 cans, 12 beer bottles and 5 bottles of prosecco!  Now apart from the stink of gallons of booze the feeling of achievement was amazing.  I sent pictures to the lady from group and she immediately poured her non alcohol drink away too.  So I felt amazing and I had helped someone else.

I know what people would say, wow what a waste of money, you could have given that to someone, well I would say that firstly the money was already spent and whether I drank it or threw it away I had already parted with my cash 12 months earlier.  And as for giving it to someone else, well why would I encourage someone else to drink?  “Here have this alcohol that I won’t drink because it has caused me so many health problems....” That would just be immoral wouldn’t it!  Plus after so long the booze would be gone off – what!!! Who knew that was a thing???

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Profiterole

Why ruin a profiterole?

So why is it that supermarkets now sell desserts that contain alcohol?  I don’t mean the good old Christmas pudding that is well known for being laced with spirits and has been part of the Christmas tradition for a lifetime, I mean a 2 pack of profiteroles and a 2 pack of caramel tarts.  Eating cakes, sweets and chocolates is a new experience for me, this is because during my early adulthood days with a young family and when money was tight I would always opt for an extra alcoholic drink rather than a treat for a dessert.  So there is no surprise that now I am not drinking alcohol I have a bit of a tendency to go for a sweet option. 

 

As a treat this week for our anniversary, I picked up a few pudding options from the local supermarket … profiteroles and caramel tarts, nothing extravagant just a treat to add to our celebratory dinner.  After dinner when opening the desserts, I was staggered by what I saw in front of me, the words “Soft choux buns filled with a vanilla-flavoured with a rich, smooth chocolate sauce.  Contains alcohol” what the actual!  Alcohol in a profiterole, when did that become a thing?  Have profiteroles always contained alcohol and I have never noticed? 

 

I took out the next option 2 x crème caramel tarts, phew no warnings on the front of this one to warn of alcohol content, flip over to the back for the description and there it is “Crème Caramel.  Cream dessert with caramel sauce.  This product contains alcohol.”  Now I am raging, bewildered and without a dessert!  Now don’t get me wrong I can’t even begin to imagine how many of these bad boys I would need to consume to feel the effects of alcohol so I assume it’s not that big of a deal if I ate them or not BUT it leads to the question  WHY?  I am also mindful there are no age restrictions to these desserts so presumably my teenage daughter can happily buy them...that’s another rant for later.

 

Why do our treats need to be laced with poison that quite literally kills thousands of people in the UK every year?  Isn’t it difficult enough for those of us that do not want or need alcohol in their lives to get through a supermarket shop without having to check every product we throw in our basket?

 

Intrigued and slightly confused I resorted to a Google search….“Why do profiteroles contain alcohol?” Google response “… for added flavour”.  Really?  Alcohol is actually considered to positively enhance the flavour of a product, wow – who has ever drank alcohol and thought to themselves “ohh yum lets have some more of that, I love scrunching up my face and having the burning effect in my throat and my eyes watering, dish me up another choux bun please Mr Cake Baker!”  Clearly this has annoyed me so I searched some more only to find this remark when I posed my original question into Google again:  “Must say I wouldn’t expect there to be alcohol in profiteroles.  They are taking a risk though, I can see the Daily Mail sad faces as an unsuspecting Tee Total family have their dinner RUINED by Tesco!” followed by a response “Maybe cheer them up a bit” WTF! now my hackles are up (my purchase wasn’t from Tesco by the way) and I now need to get a profile set up so I can challenge these morons that assume the only way to be cheery is by consuming alcohol through whatever means available.  And so here I am with my first ramblings of a pop drinker and ready to take on the world.

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